i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
