why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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