So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is classic penis vs brain.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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