Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
