Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
