I want to walk on stilts...naked
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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