the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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