it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
