Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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