So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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