What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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