We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize