my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
