Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
