oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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