Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize