I love black thongs
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
