my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
