My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
