I accidentally had phone sex last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
