every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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