What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
