Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
