You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
