Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
