I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
