The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
