You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
