and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
