Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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