i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
not ubering you a puppy
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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