she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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