you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
