I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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