we were pretty classy up until the second keg
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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