I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
