My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
