i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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