Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
