You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
