i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
