I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
