please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
