Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
