i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize