May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
