How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
