i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
