Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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