He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
