You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
