it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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