so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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