cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
