i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
