How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i think my cat just said my name.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
