Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
