I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Floor bacon is actually really good
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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