HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
