sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there was a trapeze. enough said
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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