I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
