After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
