is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
