Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
