i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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