So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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