Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
