I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
