My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
