I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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