But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
