I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
