Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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